MY DOG TOY

Toy was an incredibly handsome Doberman Pinscher. Slim and muscular with Dorito-shaped ears. We called him “The Nut Dog” because he was out of his friggen mind! He was hyperactive, excited, and thrilled to be alive!

Four years ago, after we put down our beautiful dobie-shepherd girl, we missed not having a dog around. So we started to look into rescue shelters. Although a few months had passed and we had purchased 2 little furry ball guinea pigs that we immediately fell in love with, we craved the feeling of having a dog. Eventually, my daughter and I made the 2 hour plus drive to the dobie rescue shelter “just to look.”

Riding past avocado, orange, and lemon orchards, we arrived at the rescue home of at least 50-60 dogs. Lovingly cared for by one woman and local volunteers, my daughter and I must have pet every dog a couple of times. Finally, after an hour or so of visiting with different dogs, we couldn’t resist, and chose “our guy”. He was hot (it was over 100 degrees), bone thin, and smelly. But he gave us this look while laying on his cot that said “I’d get up again to see you but I don’t think I can take it. Please take me home with you.” So we did. It was a done deal.

When we got home, I washed him in our backyard, and we all looked at him as a new member of our family. We named him Toy, after the black dog I had as a child. I had a feeling that he reincarnated and came back to me. I even used to close my eyes and see his image around this new dog. Either way, this Toy brought me a new sense of joy. That night, he slept next to me on the floor in his fresh bed. This was where my other dog used to lie. My husband kissed me goodnight and whispered “you got your dog,” knowing I was happy to love again.

I had never had a rescue dog before and I naively thought that all I ever had to do was just feed and love him and then everything would be fine. Wrong. Like puppies, you have to train then, give them boundaries and a job, and a become pack leader. Duh. I thought I could put my feet up and relax. But like kids, they test you with poop, barking, opposition, and independence. So we worked with our marvelous trainer, both privately and with classes, and soon Toy became the family pet.

Everywhere we went, people would stop their cars and comment on his majestic beauty. It seemed everyone had a dobie love story to share. Even when we moved to a new house, our neighbors came over to welcome our dog to the neighborhood before us! Toy was a popular guy!

My shins were always bruised. That’s because he’d do abut a 1,000 spins just to go out and chase a squirrel. And it took me about a year to be able to kiss him on his head without getting knocked out. In a way, I was glad he was more active than our previous dog. He got us out, climbing hills, and exploring new neighborhoods for hours.

He became a little more relaxed through the years, and I treasured the way he put his head on my leg to be stroked and loved. It seemed like I always had my hand on his head and shoulders.

He was predictably happy and made us laugh. He was enthused to start the day, and would poke his nose on my arm as if to say “Hey, let’s go! It’s anew day!” The kids liked the way I would speak for him and say in a goofy surf-dude voice, “ Uh, my name is Toy, I am a boy, and I’m full of joy!” Again, he’d do 1,000 circles and want to play.

Then one day he stopped in the middle of playing tug-of-war with me to walk away and lie down. Soon he began to look for places to hide. This was very out of character. He started digging, ignoring us, then staring… quietly seizing. It wouldn't be all the time. He would snap back to being our frisky boy. But these things happened more and more frequently. He wasn’t the same. And I knew it. I grieved the inevitable, recognizing this path I had taken so many times before. I knew it was his time to go home. Toy passed on May 13, 2009, after one last walk around the block.

God, we love our pets, and it’s true they make us better souls. They are truly our heavenly messengers. They show us how to experience a rich and unconditional love. We are better for having had such experiences, if only to touch the wings of angels.

I miss Toy. We had him for only 4 years. But everyday was special because of him. For this, I am grateful. And I will always treasure him—forever.

Weight No More! A Hormonal Story

As far as I’m concerned, losing weight has always been the hardest thing to do —until now! I am currently on the hCG diet and have already lost close to 18 lbs in 2 weeks! I never could have imagined that this would be happen for me. I always thought that I would just carry all my baby weight with me for years-- (she’s 11 now. Not exactly a baby. But still…) Yet, what makes this so incredible for me is that weight loss was not my primary goal—feeling better was.

You see, I’ve been riding the great hurricane hormonal waves for almost 10 years now. Even though I’ve been using naturally compounded progesterone, estrogen, and testosterone on a regular basis, I still have a thyroid imbalance, hypoglycemia, insomnia, and a digestion system that has literally been on strike for years. (Wow! How fun!)

I also suffer—I mean really suffer—from fibromyalgia. Even though I am an optimistic person, spiritual, and clairvoyant, I still can get so dragged down by not being able to function without pain. All I can do is pray; take it one day at a time, and just surrender.

A year ago I had a frozen shoulder for over 8 months. That was so incredibly painful, on so many layers, it’s a miracle that I’m typing and swimming and functioning normally again.

However recently, my metabolism had literally shut down. I was juicing greens everyday, taking jillions of vitamins and supplements, walking and going to gym when I had energy, avoiding sugar and carbs, but still, couldn’t get in the game. Every part of my body hurt. I was hungry, faint, and weak every few hours. My feet hurt when I walked and they were so swollen with fluid. Finally, after a few nights of painful fibromyalgia and saying about 100 times “Dear God help me,” I sat with my marvelous alternative doctor and said “I friggen give up.” I already paid my dues the year before with pain, and did not want to live a limited existence.

She suggested this diet, primarily because it is a compounded hormone that regulates the brain, balances out all the other systems, and suppresses the appetite. And it targets all that stubborn belly fat!
She said that by losing the weight, my metabolism will re-establish itself, my glucose levels will stabilize, and many of my garden variety “can’t function in life” symptoms will dissipate.

So I’m happy to say that it’s working. I’ve lost close to 20 lbs in just a few weeks plus I feel centered, calm, and hopeful. Although I have not completely conquered all the fibromyalgia pain (it seems to strike between 3-5 am—hot, burning muscles,) it is getting better. But it’s during the day when I feel so different. Instead of needing to sleep mid-day, I feel in control and proactive. I don’t feel jittery—this isn’t one of those “Hoodia” energy booster type diets—I can’t stand that feeling. With this hCG, I feel delicate and deliberate. I don’t feel weak, but I don’t over extend myself either. I stroll with my dog rather than power walk with him. I carefully weigh my whitefish for the day; eat lots of spinach, greens, shrimp and strawberries. (I kind of overdid the apple cider vinegar on salads and got sores on my tongue, so I’ve switched to alternative greens like cucumber and celery.)

The diet is very exact. You take 5 sublingual drops am and pm, 500 calories a day, lots of water, and 100mg of fish or skinned chicken twice a day. Oh yes, and 2 breadsticks or Melba toasts too!

The thing is you don’t really feel hungry. So you can control your eating. I do miss eating some things, especially while walking through the mall with my daughter. But it’s funny. It’s more of an emotional thing—I just want to eat it to enjoy it, not because I’m hungry. (It really exposes how we habitually eat!)

This is a closely monitored medical program. My glucose levels and heart rate are checked continually. So is my weight loss.
But overall, I feel that this is an answered prayer—to be free of pain, exhaustion, and sluggish digestion. And I can’t wait for my daughter to see me slim again—it will be a first for her.

Stay tuned for more updates!

My Personal Physician: Ester Mark M.D.

LISA RINNA—A real triple threat! (Or what her actions really say about ourselves.)

What is it about a pretty woman that gets us all ruffled? Is it because we think we’re not good enough? Or is it because the pretty woman already knows she is and that’s what really drives us crazy!

With Lisa Rinna’s recent publicity about posing in Playboy, it’s interesting to watch the reactions of those interviewing her. The men, well they’re easy to predict, but the women—they’re a different story.

It seems those who have beauty and charm really do get most of the attention –that’s true. But with so many girls, ladies, and women on TV, in magazines, and in the public eye constantly showing of their wares, why do we care about some more than others?

No matter how much make-up, clothes, liposuction or plastic surgery someone gets, we still gravitate towards those who are more genuine, realistic, and approachable. This is because we are made of an invisible energy which exudes our true feelings and outlook, especially our own attitude towards life. But when we women receive this genuine approachability in a beautiful package, we sometimes get confused, afraid, and threatened.

This is especially true if we don’t we feel good about ourselves. Automatically, we put up our shield and then attack the other person for having the courage to be beautiful. Yet, in all actuality, this only sabotages our ability to receive our worth, inner peace, and beauty! It is our own wasteful thinking that interferes with our belief process.

You see, we are perfect, just the way we are. We are pretty , with and without makeup, and we deserve and can have happiness and joy whenever we want—we just need to be able to receive our own self-worth. When we can see ourselves in a good light, we will see it in others, and they, like Lisa, will become the example of “look’s what’s possible!”

But first, we have to stop criticizing ourselves for what we think we should be. Projection is dangerous, and it only leads to misery and despair. And judgment blocks the natural flow of receiving energy. So when we see ourselves as less than perfect, then we will experience it. However, when we see ourselves as great, then we will attract great people, experiences, and opportunities! And when we see others take a bite out this apple, we can either rally for them and let them be our motivating example, or condemn them for trying. (See which shoe fits.)

It’s easy to distance ourselves from an airheaded pin-up or drug-crazed beauty, enjoying what they wear and what they do (and they whom they do it with!) But when we are faced with subconscious feelings of inadequacy we must ask ourselves why we allow such feelings to come up.
We must feel confident that our thoughts are really our lessons in truth—for deciding whether or not we want to continue having them.

Looking a Lisa Rinna brings back good memories of when I was young, outrageous, and decorated in pumps. Everywhere I went, I turned heads in my sequined tube tops and “Dancing Queen” attire. But there were always those girls, who were also pretty and high-glossed, that were mean, cruel, and threatened by my kind and friendly personality.

Lisa Rinna is a victor. Not just in the dancing or celebrity game, but in life. She takes charge of her mind by being genuine, and she sees life from a higher and fearless perspective. And by seeing the best in herself, in her fun, outgoing, yellow aura way, she instills an automatic vitality that pours into her being as joy and self-worth.

From my clairvoyant perspective, she rallies against injustice—the unfairness of being typecast or compartmentalized—not just for herself, but for all people, especially women. She is a free sprit, unafraid, open, and willing to play along the game of life. This is what makes her attractive, beautiful and vibrant. And because she recognizes these gifts in herself, she becomes it. And boy does she do it well!

CANDY & TORI SPELLING: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Are We the Same After All?

Gee, no matter who we are or how much money we have, the question remains the same, why can’t we just get along? Families are difficult. There’s no doubt about it. We are placed upon this earth to discover who we are. Sometimes, that means we have to struggle, scratch, attack, and then come back to the roots of our basic family dynamics—just what are we supposed to do with each other?

Tori Spelling is a lovely young woman. I remember her as a little girl, about 6 or 7, playing the part of school girl, helping a detective solve a crime—or something like that. It was in the early 80’s, at the height of Aaron Spelling’s dynasty of mega-hit television programs. I was a production assistant for Lee Horsely, who played the handsome and dashing “Matt Houston.” We were filming on location, at a beautiful old mansion that was scripted to be an exclusive all girls’ school. Aaron, Candy, and Tori walked onto the outdoor set. Tori had her acting coach and Candy had her own body guard. She was dripping in diamonds, from head to toe. I remember how much she sparkled in the bright morning sun! I was impressed. It was exciting to see a family of such privilege up close and personal.

Aaron was polite, and acknowledged everyone with folksy hellos. The cast and crew were on their best behavior, and Candy teared up while she watched her daughter shoot the scene. (As a mom, I would too!) I would see them occasionally at other times, like at a season’s end wrap party, or see Aaron walking around the studio lot.

One time I saw Aaron and Candy at the Academy Awards back in 1984. An editor friend of my future husband had given us his ticket so my then boyfriend could attend and see me perform in one of the grand dance numbers. Towards the end of the evening, I ran upstairs to the front center balcony to fortunately find a seat next to my guy, watch the end of the show, and then leave and walk amongst all of Hollywood’s who’s who. Aaron and Candy got up, turned to exit, faced us, and I said “Hi, good to see you again,” feeling smug in my black velvet mini-dress and high heels—which made me clearly over 6’ 4”! I had hoped that they would me remember me as the nice employee and assistant to one of his stars. Aaron smiled. Candy glared. Anyway, I digress.

As for Tori, I don’t know her personally, but I would guess that she would be easy to approach and have a lively conversation with. Candy, on the other hand, doesn’t seem like she would have you over for tea—unless she was perfectly coiffed, presented, and arranged. So why do we believe one is better than the other? Because in one situation, we can easily imagine ourselves in, and the other, we don’t want to. Either way, we identify with both of them.

It could be that Candy has a red aura personality—one which portrays majestic royalty and tradition with impeccable pride, regardless of what others think. And this, most likely, brings up our own issues of inadequacy. Tori, on the other hand has an effervescent lavender aura personality, one that sees the world as a magical place , full of wonder and endless possibility, tolerance, and acceptance.

Regardless of our colors and personality techniques, we all react and behave in ways that reflect our upbringing. We don’t realize it, but we are so programmed to be so defensive for so much of our lives. It isn’t until we get older, and crankier or just less patient (diminishing hormones maybe?) that we finally realize that all we’re really doing is self-sabotaging our own relationships. Who can’t identify with the overbearing mother? Who can’t identify with the inadequate promoting “you’re a failure to me” father? Some may not, but most do. The thing is, we are only reacting to our own projected ideas as to what we think we should be.

As a clairvoyant, I see and feel energy around people effortlessly and easily. I also see symbols and archetypes around people like repetitive patterns of fabric. Yet, as an empath, and seeker of truth, joy, and spiritual enlightenment, I feel a compassionate answer that always explains, in a discerning way, why we act the way we do. I am often shown psychic images why someone is the way they are: Like seeing in my minds eye a child, who was abandoned and neglected by drunken parents, left alone to cry, all before he had the capacity to remember. But our memories are stored in our auras. They are intertwined within our spirit, and they permeate our soul while living in our subconscious mind.

Before we try to maintain decorum, or compartmentalize everyone’s action and reaction, we should first know that there is a reason for every behavior. And although we’re not good at it all the time, the part of us that is eternal really wants to forgive and allow and accept the freedom of being loved and valued. So knowing that, all we can do is sit patiently and wait for our angels to help us dissolve our self-destructive barriers to make room for the joy we deserve.

Processing this information is futile. Logic never works. But by allowing ourselves the freedom to wander, into the lands of anger and frustration, we can then make our return to common knowledge and divine perfection all the better. When we decide, or should I say when we decide to remember, that we are loved and valued by others, and by something or someone more powerful and grand than ourselves, we attract the same in others. And from his, we gain a retrospect, of how we could have or should have done things better, only to realize we achieved this understanding perfectly after all.

Love and forgiveness. It happens whether we like it or not. Why? Because we’re made of it. But it’s the process of discovery that makes it all worth while—in Tori’s world, in Candyland, and in all our life’s adventures. Watch and see. This reunion is inevitable. And when it happens, we will admire them and see our own reflection in their mirrors, and realize too, that this has been another smashing Spelling Production!

WHEN HEROES & Stars Fall

(above photo) Orange County Register

The Passing of Nick Adenhart and Natasha Richardson --

Shock, horror, and disbelief. It’s hard to make sense of the unimaginable. We predicate each day on knowing that we are here for a purpose and a reason, one that fulfills our obligation to our family and friends. We commit to doing the best we can, whenever we can, and allow ourselves to ponder the meaning of life when we are ready, usually after deep meditation or while sipping a delicious cup of tea.

Yet when a celebrity is suddenly taken from our vision, it affects us on many levels. We enjoy watching our athletes and stars as they mirror our own fantasies. We see them as special, admired, and rewarded for following their dreams. We revere them for who they are and what they have attained. We see them as examples of possibility—that “Maybe, just maybe, this could happen to me.”

With the recent deaths of Angel’s pitcher Nick Adenhart and actress Natasha Richardson, our sense of tragedy and loss is heightened. Our hearts ache as we realize that they too can be taken just as easily as our loved ones and friends. We are catapulted, unfairly, once again into a vulnerable realization that our lives are delicate and that our relationships, especially to those we love, are priceless.

Never underestimate the power of love, forgiveness, and intention.
These thoughts create tangible magnetic waves that seed our minds with healing, miracles, and divine recognition in all things. Send these prayers to yourself. Accept them with purpose; to have, help you endure, and stay clear on what’s most important-- your relationships with those you love. And when you are ready, share it with others, deliberately, on angels’ wings. For awareness of higher truth, or prayers, are always heard. Although invisible, they affect all of creation, especially us, for this is what we are truly made of.

Although unfortunate moments like this happen to our heroes and stars, let us take the opportunity to give what comes naturally to our hearts…love. As we send angels and love to their families, we stand in grace, and give thanks for all we have and all that we are. Amen.

Angels say:

“There are never enough words to describe the situation of a loss. However, from our perspective, the rainbow is always nearby. Why we come to hold to the hands of those who have lost their loved ones is part of our example of shared compassion. It is with our wings that we see a light, from above, so indescribable, that it is hard to understand from any human point of you.

You see we negotiate every turn, and allow you to receive your life’s
work, divine mission, and human purpose to revolve around you like a magical burst of energy that takes you back to a time of re-remembering—where all is perfect, soft, flowing, and anyone can become anything at a moment’s notice.

Instill in your cries the value of releasing all pain, only to receive real
love, joy, and immense pleasure in all that life has to experience. Know that you have been accustomed to having the most remarkable existence here, and that this, along with all the love, joy, and reverence ever imagined exists or all time.”